sydneygays:

sydneygays:

one of my biggest boners i got as a kid was watching MAD MAX 2 (or The Road Warrior). the leader of the bad guys was some nuggety roided-up bull in a hockey mask. it still bones me up today

it’s just a little prick in the mouth

i think you can still rent this guy and his bf

i’m obsessed with this bull right now

themodernhustler:

Man Hair.

Yesterday, a man with a giant beard asked me if I was clean shaven. Being the usual smart ass, I compared the state of my pubic hair to his face.

He was not impressed.

Of course I am clean shaven, I am a lesbian and a sex worker for fucks sake! What pisses me off is the amount of men who display horror at some fanny stubble when their own pubic regions haven’t been maintained in at least a decade.

What the fuck!?

I am not afraid to suggest to my clients that they need some man scaping. For one, it smells ick. Two, it gets everywhere. Three, that includes being stuck in my fanwah.

Fucking EW. No matter how much you wash under those darn water saving shower heads, you never get it all unless you go on a recon mission when you go to the toilet armed with baby wipes.

I get that some people love a full muff, and some chicks like ample chest hair. Why, I’ll never know. Man hair guarantees ass crack hair, and what is sexy about that??

So please gentlemen, before you vist a bordello for your first shag in years, take a look in your pants and give that shit a trim.

It makes your dick look bigger.

i love other people’s opinions on this. i love how both sides will never agree

sure, a manky man muff is revolting. often it’s a poorly wiped arse and stinking of last weeks piss. what some clients expect you to deal with is mind-boggling sometimes. i’m one of very few homo manwhores in Sydney that are hairy, sometimes i’m the only one, i score a lot of work based on that. many are like those little grooming birds that obsess over some hairy part of my body and grovel for most of the session

i love hairy men and hairy arse cracks. and especially meaty hairy ogre shoulders.

what is sexy about that? this arse pictured here - not so much. but i love the musky smell hairy guys develop when fucking that doesn’t build up on from smooth guys. and when it’s trying to fuck a sweaty smooth guy they keep slipping away. it’s like fishing a salmon out of the stream with my bare hands. each thrust sends the slippery little bugger away again and i’m on my knees chasing him all over the bed until i can wedge him up against the wall.

a hairy ass is a man’s ass and reminds me what a filthy animal he is. i love it :)

hmmm… fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck…

[ cloud overview ]
[ get your own cloud ]

for chicks, maybe

for dudes, the more hair i have the more work i get

except that one client who asked me to shave my arse if i wanted the job. i told him to go to hell. i don’t want no itchy cactus ass. walking around town for the next month with regrowth spiking through my jocks some goddamn chia pet. there’s a gay sushi train of schick chicks out there. hire one of their smooth arses

cuddling in bed, i pulled the Elk in close. his back to my chest, his head curled up into my neck like a kitten. his antlers gently rubbing my beard. it was a beautiful scene. tender and touching. sensual and erotic in that acidic-vomit-creeping-up-your-throat filthy homo way. then he asked me about my day

“how was work?”

i took a deep breath. “he. shat. everywhere.”

“what?” 

“he shat. everywhere. he shitted everywhere.”

“oh,”

“in every room of this apartment.”

“oh,” the Elk feigned a little empathy. and although he faced the other way i could feel his belly laughing. 

“don’t you fucking laugh at me.”

“is that what the job was meant to be?” he was still fighting back laughter

“No!” it was no scat job. at least, it wasn’t intended to be. was it? “he shat in one room. i moved him to the next then he would shit again. i moved him to the next… and… his legs in the air and it was like the mincer just ran out of sausage skins but that wet meat just kept grinding out.” it was like a cement mixer of filth pouring shit out his arse every time he breathed. “i wrapped a  towel around him and shuffled him in here. he showered while i frantically ran around opening up all the windows.”

in sex work, you think every day is like a porno? trust me. it’s no goddamn porno. i’m a glorified nurse! wiping their arse with one hand while keeping my cock hard with the other! a sexy nurse. a well paid sexy nurse.

this client was fine. he was actually a really nice guy so i didn’t mind so much. it was an accident. a really gross reoccurring smelly accident, but an accident all the same. another client who inadvertently took me on a trip through willy wonka’s chocolate factory had the nerve to brush it off saying “oh well workplace hazard.” i immediately jumped up, and not because i won no damn golden ticket. years ago, i pulled out of another client and it was like i just removed my finger from the only crack in a chocolate hoover damn. in slo-mo matrix bullet time i saw an explosion of liquid feces reaching out for me. i lept metres backwards to watch it splash at my feet and seep into the carpet. the only thing more shocking than a kamikaze turd lying on my bedroom floor was the client still on his back holding his legs in the air waiting for me to continue

“well? did you keep going?”

“of course i did. because i’m a fucking trouper!”