how to succeed in whoring (without really trying)

always carry gum

you never know when someone is gonna drop the ball and give you a call. they need you there. right now. sometimes it’s annoying when the client doesn’t plan ahead and wants you there right away. sometimes that last minute “are you available?” has saved me from situations i was dying to get out of

for women. i guess you need to go home and wash your bits, but for men find any bathroom, whip your cock out and run it under the tap. hail a taxi and get to work. 

you can get away with being a bit sweaty. if you’re fucking them, both of you are going to end up sweaty soon enough.
you can get away not wearing the finest clothes. unless it requires fetish gear, you are going to be naked soon anyway.
you can get away with not brushing your hair or having grease under your nails. few people want perfection. many clients want a real person anyway
but you can’t get away with bad breath.

draw that client into your arms for that close sensual kiss and as your mouth open spews out a barrage of garlic. 
you pull them in to undo their tie you are going to bound their hands behind their back with later, slowly unbuttoning their shirt and suddenly you burp that up that spicy kebab you scoffed down at lunch

no. no one wants that kind of realism

at the least minute you might not be able to find a kwik-e-mart nearby so always carry gum. i think every pocket in every item of clothing has gum stashed in there. 

no bubble gum. you need ultra-minty gum ready to freshen the mouth of the filthiest whore



and don’t eat indian food. ever

so i met up with the guy who offered to take me shopping. he was a real person and not a not nut job. 

his name was Danny. he was pretty cool and got a new pair of steel caps boots i needed and socks. we had lunch and just chatted having a nice easy monday afternoon together

“let’s do it again sometime.”

“sweet!”

the grammar nazi in me:

a) wants to abuse the cunt for texting like this
b) be more of a cunt an reply “??? i dont undrstnd ur txt”

unfortunately for him, i’m uncut, so:

c) lie and say “yes, i’m cut” meet him. fuck him. then give him a lecture on texting like a fucking retard
d) lie and say “yes, i’m cut” meet him and hope he’s dumb, lebanese, hairy and fucks like an animal… mmm lebs :)

shopping so i met up with the guy who offered to take me shopping. he was a real person and not a not nut job. 

his name was Danny. he was pretty cool and got a new pair of steel caps boots i needed and socks. we had lunch and just chatted having a nice easy monday afternoon together

“let’s do it again sometime.”

“sweet!”

not that i’m soliciting on Scruff. they’re approaching me. is it possible to have a sugarboy?

daddy really does need a new pair of boots …and jeans …and a car …and a new motorbike

some client will talk and talk and talk. most of the time i listen. sometimes it’s interesting. other times you just want them to stop

but despite what suckers of The Secret believe, wishin’ and hopin’ and prayin’ doesn’t make something happen. they will talk and talk and talk until you get the ball rolling… or balls rolling …in their mouth. sometimes it’s nerves. sometimes it’s their ego and they want to impress a hooker. either way, you got to learn to block it out. even when it is interesting and you don’t want to remember personal information of a client it’s good to employ a little white noise in your head. if you don’t have any white noise of your own. i highly recommend any Autechre album

the following week i was invited back. for another 3way performance with the same hot guy. a different escort was there this time, a much younger smooth fellow. i mostly stood around trying to join in but they were being a little exclusive and after a while i found out why - the other guy was the other escort’s boyfriend. that would explain why he was a little shy and the ex-escort who’s a filthy pig was being a little reserved. after being fucked for only a few minutes the bf packed it in quite early, so i got to fuck the escorts ass. he was on all fours on the most uncomfortable bed in the world. it was cheap and rolled all over the place. it was like fucking a cokewhore in a Formula 1 (which i’ve done before. with each thrust your chasing the fucker on cheap nasty bed on wheels all over the budget hotel room until you trap them, and the bed, wedged into a corner). at least this bed didn’t have wheels. so i fucked him on all fours with his spent boyfriend laying underneath him. i was behind him, fucking him like a dog. 

now i know there was the client in the room, so i was conscious that he could see the action, but i also wanted to boyfriend to see. i know he was already uncomfortable in this situation, but i wanted to make him more so. i wanted to bring out the pig in him that he was holding back in front of his timid and seemingly vanilla boyfriend. and i did ;) sure he was exaggerating some and putting on a show for the client, but you can tell what’s real and what’s not. pretty soon he was grunting and pushing back into me like the dirty whore he is. i could see the bf was not impressed. he could see the nasty grin on my face. his face was blank

yes. i’m an asshole. if one person is uncomfortable, it doesn’t seem like the smartest thing to do in a relationship. a decade ago i had an ex that was keen on 3ways. i’d agree to let him do it because it’s what he wanted and i’d join in because it’s what he wanted to do. i was never comfortable with it. the only reason i know i want to be with someone is because i don’t want to fuck anyone else. 

yes. i’m a prostitute that believes in monogamy. a tart with a heart. how fucking stupid is that?

it’s my fault, i guess. i tend to go for former sluts. sluts are good in bed. you don’t want a boyfriend who is a dud fuck. so it was 8 years before i had a proper boyfriend again. that just ended recently. so i have a little built up anger regarding guys in relationships this still fuck around. 

a little anger? no. i have a lot. i took that out on this guys ass. i slammed the hell out of him. even after he blew i kept going. it was uncomfortable for his boyfriend and now it was uncomfortable for him. sucker :)

we cleaned up. after some nervous laughter from the couple i rode off to find another ass to fuck

i rest up a bit with the South African before i jump on my bike and ride out to the 3 way that was planned earlier. 

walk straight in, the client told me. he was already on the bed watching the 2 other guys fuck. one was hot, tall, square shoulders, well built and a big cut cock. the other wasn’t my type but had a perfect body (which is probably why he wasn’t my type. there ain’t nothing sexy about perfection) a little chest hair and dark skin. but hey, a hole is a hole and he had 2 that worked perfectly. good kissers, nice big cocks. was a good night and we put on a damn good show. the one that wasn’t my type left early. the hotter one used to be an escort. now he’s in a relationship and only works for this one client he knows well. now he was a lone i could tell deep down he was a pig. from the way he was kissing i knew he wanted me to spit in his mouth. the second i did he went nuts. i grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and plowed his arse until he blew his load then blew my own load all over him. 

“wow! that’s so much cum!”

“naww,” i blushed, even if do hear that all the time, “‘twas nothing” 

that’s when i remembered there was a client there. lying back, propped up on one elbow, fully clothed watching us. sometimes you get so into the moment you forget what the hell is going on around you. 

did the earth move? fucked if i know. i was too busy having sex! oh, you meant…